Madisen is home from her mission in California. I am happy to have her back. 

She hasn't changed a bit.

Oh you know, just your average Friday night eating pizza and diagramming sentences with your one friend.

Adventures in Platonic Friendships:

Being friends with Chris has presented its challenges this semester. The thing about Chris and me is that we spend a lot of time together and we're a pretty good team - we do homework, play music and cook and stuff. We've been friends since 2011, so there's a certain kind of ease and comfort that comes with time. But we're not dating. And we never will. That's just not the nature of our friendship.

However, this makes things really difficult for potential dates. The other day a girl asked how we know each other, and I panicked and told her that I was his half-sister so I wouldn't "be in the way" in case she was interested. (Next time I should say "cousin.")

Another time at church, a friend saw us and asked me if I was on a date with Chris. I announced (rather loudly) that I was not going out with anyone, so I wouldn't scare any of the guys in my ward away. 

My mom has texted me on a few occasions saying: "When you have pictures together on the internet, it looks like you're a couple. Just saying." I kind of have to have to shrug my shoulders at that, because there is literally nothing I can do about what other people think.

 I try to set things straight with people who are confused about "what Chris and I are??" but still. 

I understand that if I were a third party observer, I would completely think that we were in a relationship as well. Even people that know us ask us "why we just don't get married already?" and we just laugh it off. But it just bothers me that sometimes we have to tone it down or act differently just so people don't assume things about us. Maybe it is really uncommon to see guys and girls who can just be friends with each other, but it's just something I wish people didn't have to deal with. I should try to find other people who are in the same situation and see what they do?

To my Bran Flakes,

I wanted to thank you for being you. Whatever you feel like your shortcomings are, it doesn't matter. You're trying, and that's all that the Lord would ask of you. I wanted to thank you for being such a good friend and never making it feel like I had to choose friendship over doing the right thing. They were always the same choice. You always encourage me and bring out the good qualities, and help me to feel the most like myself. A Self that I can be proud of. I know that your other friends and family members feel the same. You're the best person in my life.

4/12/2014

The big day. It's very strange, not being a family member, to be in the inner sanctum of this whole production, because it is a very personal day. (If only you knew all of the hard work that went into the reception alone.) The bridesmaids all get ready, curl our hair, and tuck little flowers in the strands.

It is a sunny day, though there are many clouds in the sky. The Portland temple is beautiful. Kelsi is gorgeous, of course. She really is. Chad is beaming. We pose for a few pictures before they go off to take their own pictures. Chris and I read at Starbucks while we wait for the reception to start. 

The reception is decorated with such great detail, it is incredible to see. Her family had been working to set it up all week. There is brunch foods and a crepe cake and we all eat until we are sick to our stomachs, but it's so so good. 

Kelsi's sister, Emma, grabs Chris and me and asks for help decorating the car. We get way too excited about that, and try to keep the innuendos to a minimum; it turns out to be mostly inside jokes for Kelsi to laugh at.

We say goodbye, go home, and Chris drops me off at the airport early the next morning. Until our next adventure...

4/11/2014

Much to our surprise, Kelsi is able to join us for our day in Portland. Because she is a foodie, she takes us to the Waffle Window. I have a breakfast waffle with tons of fruit on top, and blackberry basil lemonade. So. Good. Chris and I fall in love with the charming houses in the Hawthorne neighborhood (?) because they have character. We vow to live there one day.

She knows we would also love Powell's City of Books, and she is completely right. I buy Wildwood, Into the Wild, and Sparky! (It's a hilarious children's book about sloths. I had to walk out of that store with that book, right?)

We finish off our glorious day at Salt and Straw, where we try bizarre ice cream flavors like strawberry balsamic and olive oil. I get almond brittle with salted ganache and it is so delicious. One of my favorite things about Salt and Straw (and many other stores in that neighborhood) is the huge windows that open up, so it feels like you're sitting outside.

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We honestly did not get to stay long enough in Portland, so you can bet your bottom dollar that I have plans to go back - probably with Brianne. She's a good companion to adventure with.

4/10/2014

Chris and I on our way to Portland, OR. The drive across Idaho is nice, but a bit boring. Oregon is much more beautiful, but we miss a lot of it because it gets dark. It's about an 11 hour drive, and we pull in just after midnight.

However, there is this vibrant, gorgeous sunset as we come down from a mountain and everything feels like a dream.

The dream of the 90's is alive in Rexburg.

6 days until the band is reunited.

Hey, look at who I got to talk to on sunday!?

And on wednesday!?

Ok. So. I haven't written for awhile. 

But I just want to say that I've been doing well lately. Which is really nice, because I've been having a difficult time this semester, trying to make new friends and find things to throw myself into. 

One of the things I was trying to work on and was praying for inspiration for, was someone that needed some special attention, someone that needed a friend, but I wasn't having a lot of luck. I was feeling really helpless and didn't know what to do.

But this week was really nice, and there were a lot of moments where I knew that I was being looked out for. My issues with anxiety come and go, and at least, when I try to deal with it, I tend to have a "fake it till you make it" approach. Sometimes it makes me wonder what is the truest version of myself, but this week, I felt free - not worrying about looking dumb, not worrying about what I would talk to strangers about. It feels so so great. 

So what I'm thinking is, I just needed to feel what it's like to be alright myself, before I could do anything to help anyone else. I'm excited to try and keep this up and see what happens next.

Also, one of my best friends Tim came home from Hong Kong today, and I'm so so excited for him and his family!!! I can't wait for things to settle down so he can call me sometime.

(Tim, if you see this - I feel like I don't need to explain myself. You and I are no strangers to stalking each other. Also, call me!)

Last night (or this morning, rather) I had a lot of fun making some new friends. Our FHE brothers invited us to go to the haunted mill. Those places usually freak me the crap out, (yes, that felt as weird to type as it was to read) but it was a lot of fun. 

Afterwards, we stood around in the parking lot and someone asked what we should do next?

I answered, half-jokingly, that we should go eat at Denny's. 

Everyone was in.

So we headed over to Idaho Falls, only we ate at Shari's instead. There were 10 of us, and we felt bad that some poor waitress had to put up with our sugar packet throwing, straw wrapper blowing shenanigans. (We tipped her well.) There's something about being awake after midnight that turns everyone into 12 year olds. Many recalled inappropriate jokes that were told to a wide-eyed audience. 

I'm going to be honest when I say that there was a romantic interest that I was trying to pursue, and it sort of...fell flat? Got stuck in place? I don't know. Anyways, I was really happy to find that by the end of the night, I didn't really care about it because I had such a good time and laughed so much.

This past weekend, Kelsi, Chad, Chris, and I all went down to SLC to watch Conference.

We had tickets for sunday morning session, and the thing that stood out to me was President Monson's talk, of course. (As well as O Divine Redeemer sung by the tab choir - wowowow!)

As soon as he started talking about his wife, tears were streaming down my cheeks. I have a testimony of the Prophet, especially of Thomas S. Monson. I love him with all my heart.

(Chris and I look like we're dating in these pictures, and we're not. I'm like his mother, haha.)