I have a lot of thoughts going on right now and I don't even know if they're all connected, but I have to get them down.
I had a really nice day at church, and I was confronted with some ideas and some realizations.
In sunday school, we talked about when we get offended and how we choose to react. We watched this video and I wanted to cry afterward. And it's funny, because after watching it again, I can't remember what it had to do with being offended. It was completely relevant to what we talked about in combined Relief Society/Priesthood though.
In our combined class, we talked about peace, and how it's separated into world peace and personal peace.
We watched Quentin L. Cook's talk from this last conference, and I can't remember if it was from the talk or if it was a comment made in class, but someone said how the worst thing that Satan could do is to rid the world of peace, and he has done that.
In the world, there are so many things that we feel like we need to be afraid of. Satan has an advantage over us if he can encourage us to live in fear.
I thought about that in my own life, since I am an incredibly fearful person. I don't like the fact that he can get me in seemingly inconsequential ways, like fear and apathy. I might not be drinking or anything, but he truly knows where my weaknesses lie.
When I was taking my block class, I kept putting everything off. "I'll practice guitar tomorrow," I thought. "After this class ends, that's when I'll finish this book."
I was feeling a bit disappointed in myself the other day because it's been weeks, and I feel like I haven't had much to show for it.
I started thinking of the different areas in my life and made a list of things that I wanted to do so I could be a well-rounded powerhouse lady. It varied from things like "have a conversation with a stranger" (to work on social anxiety), to "help someone."
I was resolved to be better at reading the scriptures, but it wasn't until these different ideas in church that I realized that I need to spend much more time and effort getting myself out of this stagnant lifestyle.
I thought of my last year of EFY, and how I felt when I came home; like I was in love with the world. Nothing could do anything to me. That feeling was peace, and I remember it so distinctly. It was the best feeling I have ever experienced.
Peace, in my opinion, is better than happiness because happiness can still occur when your life is falling apart. Things might be going terribly, but you can still find joy in it. That's not to say that everything in your life will be perfect when you find peace, but I feel like there is a sort of inherent happiness that comes when you do find it. Another thing to consider is something Brianne pointed out to me; that happiness is often fleeting.
I wanted to experience that feeling more than anything, but I realized that there are a lot of things I need to work on in my life to accomplish that, and it probably won't come as quickly as I want it to. I do feel it on occasion, like when I'm at the temple, but I want to experience that more frequently.
I thought about how Brianne has been trying to accomplish this the whole semester, and I probably haven't been as helpful as I could have. And there are other people in my life, where I could do so much more to help them when they feel like they are struggling and want to make changes.
It reminded me of a poem Brother Grant had us read at the beginning of the semester, called
BYU-I is the perfect school for me, and I can't imagine myself anywhere else. I am incredibly blessed. But I thought that it was interesting that, despite the fact that this is a church school and despite the fact that many of us are striving for the same thing, often many of us carry our burdens alone. We have people in our lives who understand where we're coming from, but we don't always help each other carry those burdens. How often do we make it appear as though we're doing alright, when really, we are struggling?
There are a lot of things to consider, but I liked the thought from "Men's Hearts Shall Fail Them".
"Don't demand things that are unreasonable, but demand of yourself improvement."
I can't change the fact that people fear their governments, or that millions of people face injustice or poverty. I can't heal those that are sick or grieving. All I can do is demand improvement from myself, and contribute that to the betterment of the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment