My mom's friend owns a a grove up in the mountains, and she's going to let us use it for a special Easter dinner. My mom and I went up this afternoon to scout out the location and figure out logistics.
All the citrus trees are blooming and the smell is my heaven. It is stunning up there! We're really looking forward to it.
I posted one of the pictures on instagram, and my friend posted this comment:
"Where freaking are you? Every pic you post is a real life adventure. Can you just stop living the dream?"
I think we're all aware by now that social media is not an accurate reflection of our lives. We forget that often though. I know I do. And I'll tell you what. I have hidden 103 people on facebook because I don't want to see their fictional life. It makes me too upset or jealous or depressed. I am that person, but I know that about myself, and these are the ways I know how to deal with it.
If I get jealous of other's lives, I'm usually pretty good about unfollowing them or doing something so I don't have to go through all that frustration. But I didn't really think of myself as that person, until my friend posted that comment.
It bothers me, but not because she said it. It just makes me realize that I'm not doing well enough to share life's good and bad moments. I have a tricky relationship with that.
There's a few reasons I share beautiful moments on instagram, one of them being the fact that I enjoy beautiful things and photography. I have this app that I like to mess around with to enhance the original picture, but I see it as an extension of art. Another reason, (and this goes for the blog as well) is that I try to pay attention to the beautiful or incredible moments in life, and really appreciate them.
There was a period during my teen years where I don't remember the beauty that surrounded me, because I didn't know how to see it. I was too busy thinking about myself and the things that made me unhappy. As I've learned how to cope with life's problems better, I feel like I see life with new eyes. And I try to do everything in my power to take advantage of a good adventure and to relish the relationships with my loved ones.
It has never been my intention to paint my life in a perfect light, and I'm sorry if it has ever come across that way. I always thought of it as holding a rose tinted "filter" to life, if you will. I tend to be a pessimist, but try really hard to be an optimist. Maybe one day that will change and I will magically see the bright side of everything always.
I don't lead a perfect life, but it's not a bad one, by any means. It's really great, but it's flawed just like anyone else's. I don't wish I had another life though.
I know I have some really incredible privileges and I try to be grateful for them all. Every day I discover that I'm unintentionally selfish and there are trials that God has put in my life to increase my patience and humility. I'm not always in love with myself and I'm not very good at paying for all of the music I download. Shhh. I get stressed out too easily and tend to wish I was somewhere else. There are things that make me irrationally angry and I just have to tell myself to calm down and breathe.
There are things that I like about myself and things I'm constantly working on and learning to accept. But in the meantime, I'll try to be real with ya'll.
Even though in the past I didn't always think so, life is fantastic. God is great. I hope I'm always going to chase that next adventure under the sun. Friends and family and love is everything.
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