I'm taking a C.S. Lewis class this semester and it's interesting - the way my professor has set it up - because we "read at" Lewis instead of reading him. So we jump around in different books but read about similar themes. I wanted to start putting down my thoughts on our readings.

“Men are reluctant to pass over from the notion of an abstract and negative deity to the living God.” (Lewis, Miracles, pg. 383)—

After reading and discussing Lewis’ ideas in “Miracles,” I have been left to ponder my relationship with God. I fear that I have made Him out to be the “impersonal God,” or the “subjective God” that Lewis has warned of. I know He is the living and true God, and this I have never doubted; there have been too many blessings and miracles, too many instances where He revealed Himself to me to be my Creator, my loving Father in Heaven. As we read Christ’s words in John 14:6, we know that “[He is] the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by [Him].” Later in verse 18, Christ reminds us that “[He] will not leave [us] comfortless.” Even in the darkest of times, I have felt that comfort in some way or another, and it because of these many instances that I cannot feel neglected or abandoned by both Christ or God. And if I do feel distant from either, it is because I was the one who moved from their presence. 
      We should all stop and consider our relationship with God. No matter where you are on the journey, there is always room for improvement. How can our relationship with our Father in Heaven remain, how can we remain satisfied with our current state?
      I feel impelled to question everything.

I try to be good and obedient, but perhaps in my obedience, I have forgotten to question His purpose. He does not necessarily want us to be good for the sake of being good, but asks us to do His will for His cause; He asks for our obedience so we might accomplish His works, and that we might return to live with Him again. 

The troubled Franny Glass in J.D. Salinger’s “Franny & Zooey,” was chastised by her older brother Zooey for not knowing who Christ was, though she was trying to communicate with him through constant repetition of the “Christ prayer.” I desire to have a better understanding of both who Christ and God were and who they are now, but first I must ask myself: what am I doing to prevent myself from knowing God as He wants me to know Him? In my (potentially) misguided obedience, am I pushing myself farther from Him and His purpose?

The only thing I can think of doing is to get to know Him, and Christ, to read about their examples in the scriptures that have been provided for us, and in my prayers, ask for help as I try to establish a new relationship with them. I feel as though if I pursue this process of becoming re-acquainted with them and truly getting to know and understand them, I will become “good” through knowing them, instead of just being “good.” I want to do all I can do “follow Him, and give all my life to Him.”