With that being said, I've also run into some reoccurring anxiety issues this semester, and I cannot understand why. I find myself getting so nervous about the different things I need to do. Take this week, for example, where I had to give two different 5 minute presentations in class. I woke up on those days with this horrible feeling in my stomach, like my liver was oozing toxins. I wanted to die.
But a five minute presentation is not the scariest thing I've ever done. I've taught college classes, I've done slam poetry in front of a bunch of strangers, I've even met with a senator for a lobby meeting.
These small actions like presentations aren't the only thing triggering anxiety, but I don't know what to do about it. I try to remember to breathe deeply but...that's about all. I know that doing things that I enjoy could be helpful, but I don't know if they help me forget about all the things that are making me worried. It's a minor distraction.
The worst part of it all, is that I feel like this anxiety is preventing me from living the life I want to live. I'm still working as an english T.A., and I'd like to be a bubbly, outgoing person whenever my boss has me sub for him. Sometimes this works, but I had a bad experience with one class, and I will forever be worried that each time I teach will be like that class.
It's nice to be a bubbly, outgoing person in life too, but I don't know if I feel like I want to be that all the time. I'd rather just feel like I could talk to people without having to plan out the whole conversation. I'm not a spontaneous person, and I often feel that I'm boring and not relatable.
This problem is pending. I'm looking into how to overcome it in a different way than I have in the past.
The most relevant theme in my life is "You can do hard things." And I can.
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