So this semester, I'm in a creative non-fiction class. I've never considered myself to be much of a creative writer, but I took it because I like my professor and I came to love the class as well. 

This was for our "open letter to someone who is unlikely to respond" assignment. It's mostly about me and my roommates, though I don't mention them. I think it says something about us - our trash can is across the parking lot and we have to take it out like once a day. But hey, what are you going to do.

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An open letter to the neighborhood cats that get into my trashbag,

I suppose it should be my own fault, leaving the trash bag on the porch overnight. And I suppose it could be my fault that I buy such cheap plastic bags that it seems like they’re more for holding trail mix and not sharp-edged cereal boxes and opened cans, but I’m a poor college student and I don’t need to explain myself to you, cat.

     Too many days have passed when I’ve hesitantly stood at the door, afraid to open it and see what fresh hell you’ve dug up from my garbage. Do you think I have time to clean that up as I’m rushing out the door to class? 

I’ll have you know that you add an unnecessary amount of anger into my life, when I am usually a peaceful and content individual. You endured my yelling and shoe-throwing as I caught you in the act, darting fearfully down the stairs. Once, I saw one of you underneath the tire of my car and I seriously contemplated the idea of jamming my keys into the ignition and starting it, indifferent to whether you lived or not. Let that be a lesson to you all! I would shout after the deed was done, twirling the keys on my finger.

I have harbored a heathy dislike against the haughty nature of felines for many years now, but as a general animal lover, I’ll admit that there are reasons why I should feel sorry for you. I understand that it is cold and difficult to find food. One of you is missing a tail, for Pete’s sake—I can’t imagine it’s an easy life. It’s the survival of the fittest for your ragged troupe, I get it.

Others might say that it’s easiest to just take out the trash already, but I’m not about to lose this fight—especially to a bunch of feral, homeless cats.

Sincerely annoyed,

Lexie